Gone Bookin’
I’ve been told there are two best days of owning a boat: the day you buy it and the day you sell it. I think this may also apply to writing a book. It sounds pessimistic in both cases, perhaps. I know there are people who love their books and boats from day one until they go out of print or into someone else’s hands or into the water.
But, researching boats takes time. After you buy the boat, you enjoy using it and taking friends out on the water; but eventually, the maintenance and docking fees might get to you. The boat might sink or rust. People might drown falling off of it. You have to buy accessories like life jackets and water skiing equipment. You find planning to take the boat out becomes a chore because you’re calculating how much the boat costs and how many times you have to use it to break even.
It takes time to research a book too. Some people love this process for books (and boats) but it also can bog down decision-making — sometimes on purpose. There are rabbit holes of narrow subjects. Which publisher should I submit to? What is the history of 18th-century shoes? 18th-century boats? What title should I use for each chapter or for the book overall? What name should I paint on the back of my boat? Should I crowdsource my book titles and boat name, and end up with The Art of Boatz or Boaty McBoatFace?
There’s anticipation in that planning period, whether that’s saving for a boat or writing a book. Some people love waiting and dreaming about eventually buying a boat or having a book published. But the process can be exhausting. You almost need a consultant about which boat to buy, and you definitely need an editor(s) in the book-writing journey.
You also have to have money to buy a boat. You have to have patience to write down words and go through the submission process. You also have to have “book money” as you probably may end up paying an editor(s), for book submission fees, publicity, and travel to conferences.
At least with a boat, if you take the money into a store that has the boat you want, they will take your money and you get … A BOAT! In writing and book publishing, you can pay $20+ and get only a rejection back. Like a bad vending machine that gives you a boat or a book sticker. No BOOK. And you have to research and submit and pay over and over and over again. The only reason Bass Pro Shop turns you down is if you don’t have enough cash or financing. There are many, many reasons why Bass Literary Journal might turn you down, and they might turn you down ten or twenty times.
So, what are the two best days for having a book published? The acceptance when everyone cheers you on? The cover reveal where everyone rhapsodizes over the art, and again, the fact you’re having a book published? The first five-star review? The day when you earn out your advance and get your first check for twelve cents? The day someone who isn’t your mom or your mom’s dentist or a literary friend that you bought a book from first, buys your book? Is it the day you read your book on the boat you bought from royalties? Is it the day someone cries or laughs when they read your book? Can writers ever really feel like they deserve more than few great days as struggling artists?
What is the worst day? A one-star review? Repeat red rectangles in Submittable? A three-hour tour gone bad? Holes you can’t plug up in a leaky boat? Holes you can’t plug up in a leaky plot? Writing and rewriting and editing said book for decades? Paying dock fees for a rust bucket? When no one shows up at a bookstore reading and you face only empty chairs? The feeling you get when you feel too old or not educated enough? Or the feeling you get when you see someone achieve what you perceive as *more* in book publishing? Perhaps the month when you sell no books? Not being able to fit your boyfriend on a door because your boat is sinking?
Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the best and worst days of writing a book. It’s a journey I’ve chosen and I’m immeasurably happy to have my two great days and many more. I always hope a rising literary community tide does lift all books. But I also admit at some moments, I simply want to escape and go read someone else’s book, on someone else’s boat. And that’s okay too. Put out the sign. Go read. And then restart that search for a new best day.
